A Nod to Efficiency
Behold, the Cafetorium. This, perhaps, is one of the most interesting concepts of corporate design. For ninety-nine percent of your existence the Cafetorium serves its purpose as cafeteria. You go in, purchase a diet soda from the vending machine—if your dollar bill is flat enough—and take your seat among people you really do not wish to share your lunch hour with.
As you eat your panini or some other sort of “this will make you feel more cultured as you make your way along your daily drudgery” food item you ask yourself why in the hell you’ve got to pay for the diet soda anyway. I mean, seriously, they pay you nothing and then, and then, I’m serious here, they don’t even provide the pop. What are you to do if you are in dire need of an eye-opener? What if you forget your dollar?
Then, into your second bite, the lights dim slightly and some exec comes in to discuss some asinine topic. When you’ve been taught that, for the most part, food and drink must be kept away from the auditorium, this guy here shows up and throws your world into an uncomfortable limbo.
Do I stop eating? Am I allowed to sip? Should I have gotten a straw and a napkin? My lord, he thinks I’m a monster!
It is apparent that the Cafetorium is their way of letting you know your place. They don’t have lunch hours. They control the vending machines. And they can, whenever they wish, interrupt your second bite (the best bite) with their completely pointless babble about synergy and building regulations.
Fuck ‘em.
